Post 2 of Today.

Yep, that's right, I'm writing post number two. In three, two--Oh wait, that doesn't work with this kind of thing. I am really hating myself right now. No, I'm not thinking of doing anything stupid, but I really wanna just figure this stupid life-puzzle out. As you can probably tell, I am pretty angry I right now. Things are feeling kind of tense and quiet right now, and I feel kind of warm even without my jacket on. I feel a major migraine coming on. Too bad I have my SEOP today, otherwise I'd just go home and sleep. Yes, that would be nice.

akdpafoieuarpncoxkjdsf;lceajd;flakjd;lfkj;asdljcnm (thanks Sara ;)

Dang it. I thought I had most of this figured out after that last blog entry, but I kind of figured out at lunch that I kind of am still in the freakin' ditch. I would much rather forget about anything that ever happened with guys and just wait for them to come to me. I got called desperate today. It sucked, because I know for a fact that it may as well have been said from my own mouth.

As of the last post, you all know that I have MAJOR crushes on these two guys right now, and I'm not really sure how to handle it. I'm going to try not to go on and on about this, but it's really important for those of you who are reading this that if you have any ideas of what I should do to comment with them. I would really appreciate anything, accept for hate-stuff.

This is going to be all about who to pick from now on. I know all of the pros and cons of both choices, but I don't understand who I should pick because they are both amazing people for millions of reasons. I have been thinking about this all day, ever since second period when I saw his eyes sparkling again (they were GORGEOUS). I've been on and off of it all day. I'm acting like I'm on some drug, but honestly, I'm LDS, and any drug is VERY VERY VERY VERY bad for you, and another thing; I'm a good girl.

Here's a little detail: They used to both have girlfriends, and now there's only one that does. Still, it sucks because I am practically madly in love with both of them. Even though having one of them free helps a little bit, the one that I really want to be with is still dating.
Wish me luck with my boy-strike tomorrow.
Love,
Emma.

Lust or Love?????

Well, I'm kind of tired right now.... but I mightaswell write something. And actually, I know exactly what I'm going to write about. Recently, guys have been very very very confusing for me. Dang it! There's another guy on my list. What's so horrible about that? I'll answer that question for you, right now. It's my best friends brother. I'm not giving ages, but I will tell you that he's six years older than me. So, basically, he's an adult, and I'm not an adult, so that poses some problems.

My friend just recently found out and she can't seem to understand that I have a small--if not big crush on her older brother. Everything I like about him, is something she doesn't like about him. Here, for your convencience, and to get it out, I'll write precisely what I think about him--more like why I like him.

My Reasons:

• He's nice
• He's funny
• He actually talks to me when I'm at my friends house when all of my other friends brothers have just ignored me.
• I don't know, maybe it's the fact that he's older, but I was talking to my grandma who also knows him and my friend, and she said he was actually very mature for his age. I'm not doubting that because of his age, but I'm sure it has at least a tiny bit of effect for me liking him.
• He tests the limits. When he was giving me a ride home on Christmas day he kept on slamming on the breaks. I love danger.
• He's cute... but everybody knows that's just a bonus.

I've been feeling so guilty about this for the past almost two weeks I've liked him, but thanks for those of you who are actually reading this instead of just opening the page. I need someone who would be willing to talk to me through the night, because I haven't been able to sleep for the past couple nights because of that guilt. Yesterday, one of my close, but not best friends actually had the audacity to ask me if I loved him. I told her I didn't know, but I actually did hesitate. Last night I was thinking about it, and I don't really know if it's possible, but I think I may well be in love with two guys right now.

I haven't known her brother for very long, but this is a very strong feeling. Whenever I'm alone in a room with him that's out in the open, I feel really warm, and actually feel like I live there and I'm at home. Then with the minnow (as me and my best friend call him), I get the same feelings. Ugh! Every time I look into his eyes that are so dark, and so confusing like Dante's in the Hourglass Door. I feel like I don't understand him at all.

Sorry to go back to the first guy, but I had to say something about something I noticed. He just broke up with his girlfriend a couple days ago for personal reasons (that I know), and he's been kind of sad lately. He seems really grumpy. Yesterday when I was at his and my friends house, I noticed he was looking at me a lot..... I guess I just got myself into a bigger situation.

LOVE,

Emma Susan 

The Confused,

Full of Sorrow,

Annoyed by this neusance,

Tibbitts.