Danny, Danny, Danny

I just realized you haven't heard anything about my boyfriend yet! Well, know that you know I have one, I better start telling you about him! Just swear you won't tell anyone, because it's supposed to be  a secret. Shh! haha. Well, on the thirteenth we were sitting on the couch in his basement. We've always been really good friends, but a few days ago, he said something that made me really surprised, but really happy. As I was saying, we were just sitting there talking. It was his birthday, and the celebrations were over, and we were just hanging out after his family had all left. He put his arm around my shoulder, and I thought it was just a friendly gesture, but what he said, definitely told me otherwise. "Emma," he said. "You know how it's my birthday?" he asked me.
I said, "yeah."
and he said, "Well, the only thing that could make this birthday better was if you'd be my girlfriend."
We've been really good friends for awhile, so I couldn't believe that he actually asked me out. I didn't think he would ask me out, but apparently as of yesterday, meaning Sunday... he's moving away. Halfway across the US and I'll only ever see him like once or twice a year. He is the most amazing person I have ever met, and I think I might be in love with him. I know that I'm supposed to like you all know who, but, seriously, Danny is my boyfriend now. We were talking about not keeping our relationship because neither of us like long-distance, and it would totally distract me from my schoolwork. So maybe it's me that didn't want a long distance relationship, but I've changed my mind. As of today, we are still in a relationship. :)

Wahoo!

So... I bet you're wondering why I am filled with excitement at this moment in time. So... I'm not going to tell you......... JUST KIDDING! I'm sure all of you are very excited to hear why I am so happy at this current moment in time. So, here it goes. I was sitting in my Foods Class with Mrs. Wall today, and  I decided that I was going to check my email because I hadn't in a couple days, and guess what the first message in the inbox said??? It was entitled: You ARE published!!!! Yay! I'm going to be in a book called Stars in Our Hearts, and it's going to be amazing. It's kind of expensive, but I'm sure that my mom will buy it for me because it's an officialy PUBLISHED POETRY BOOK! and MY POEM IS IN IT! I just wish I hadn't spent all that freakin' money on all of that stupid stuff. This is way more important. There's a special discount for the people published in the book--like me. It's ten dollars less than the original price. Problem is, there are only a few more days that counts and there are only five copies left. I would take so much care of that book. Not write in it, not write on it... don't let anyone else touch it. Yeah, that special. I mean seriously, it's my first time ever being published in an offiicial book! Ahh! I am so excited. No sorrow or heart-break at all, at the current moment. My my my, how things can change so fast. Wish me luck convincing my mom! :D Love you guys!

<3 <3 <3 <3 <3/

Emma

Susan

The

Published


Tibbitts!

Heart-Broken.

I hear him talking about this girl, and the title explains exactly how I feel. I still feel like I'm slowly dying inside, but I know I'm not. It feels like everything is running in slow motion, but I have to remind myself every time that that only happens in movies, and not in real life. It's weird. Whenever I learn something new about this situation and where it's going, I always hear a song a little while after that makes complete sense. Last night, yeah, it was horrible, but today is worse. Now I have to listen to it most of the day. I've been really confused lately, and I need some major help. I asked one of my really close friends, and she told me what she honestly thought, and then I asked my cousin and she gave me her best advice by saying to be careful what I talk to him about. I'm just so scared that I'm going to say something really stupid. And I'm usually not scared of anything, so this is serious. I barely slept last night--meaning I slept like three hours because I was thinking about how stupid the whole situation I'm getting into for the millionth time. I hate it how I always say I'm never going to fall in love again, and that's exactly what I do just a few days/weeks later. I was laying on the couch this morning during scripture study, holding the stuffed animal that always makes me feel better (a stuffed lamb that I have had since I was barely one.) Then, all of a sudden.... wait for it.... I felt a tear in the corner of my eye. Ever since last year, I told myself I would never cry about a guy because of how horrible that situation was, but now, I am taking away that lie I told myself. Of course, at the time I didn't really know it was a lie, but now, I know it's stupid, but I can't really help it but cry for a guy. I get hurt so easily, which is probably the reason why no guy is really into me--either that, or they're too shy to tell me, but I highly doubt that. I've been feeling really negative since yesterday, and it isn't just because of him. It's because of this other jerk that said some really mean things to me yesterday while I was also talking to the special person you all know so much about. I feel like I'm going to die. I know I've said that a million and four times, but I really think it's true. I think it's possible to die of a broken heart. I don't understand. He was showing all of the signs of liking me, but now I'm really upset that he doesn't--or does.... I'm just so confused, and I really don't know what to do. I'm feeling a song coming on.... This should be great :)

What do you do, when you're heart is breaking? When you can't find the wings to fly? When the courage is gone, and the fear overcomes, and the sadness, the pain overrides. When gentleness ends, when hardship descends, when the days of the past are over. 


When the song of my life, and the poems, and the words, when life as I know it, is gone for good. Where the story of life, is nothing more than a dream; when the time for goodbyes, is coming. Now my heart is full, of hopelessness, no cheer; and the dreams I dreamed, are lost.


That's all I have so far. Promise me you won't copy it. It may be a hit! :D

Sorrow...

Guess my streak of happiness is all gone! Big whoop. Who really cares. Well, for one I do. Sorry for the short span of happiness, but things haven't been going so dandy from the last time I wrote. As some of you may know, not from the blog, but just from talking in person, that I've made some drastic decisions in the past week or so, and finally the results are coming. Just not in the way I expected them. He likes someone else that he knows better, and now I'm lost on what to do. I had so much hope, and now that's really quickly fading. I need some positive encouragement. This pain is worse than I've ever felt before, and I don't know what I'm going to do about it. Right now, I'm listening to blues music and a bunch of songs all entitled heart-break. Lousy, I know, but it's how I'm getting by at the moment. I've liked many guys before like I said in the post before this, but none of them, not one, ever amounted to the way I feel right now. It's eating away at my soul I feel so bad. I know he was definitely ready to find out, but now I kind of regret ever making the decision I did. I'm not going to go into specifics because we all know the whole story. It's always the same, and it always ends the same way. I'm just sitting here hoping that this story has just begun, and this is just the first road-block. I know I'm not going to die or anything here, but I feel like I'm dying on the inside. It's slow, but I can definitely feel it. It's as if the whole world is falling apart right from underneath my feet, which is sort of like my dream from Thursday, which was amazing by the way. I just wonder if I was seeing some twisted version of the future that was coming. I'm keeping a dream journal called, "Dreams That Won't Come True," Yeah, I'm thinking this is definitely one of those dreams. I feel like I have no hope for a future with him--actually, I'm almost positive there is not future, but I can still hope, can't I? Or are you taking that away too? Remember the quote from my first post? I'm still trying to make that my goal and motto, but times are getting really tough. It's what they guy in my first ever finished one time through book said:
Always believe in the slightest of hopes, the slimmest of chances, and believe anything is possible.
Sometimes it's really hard for me to follow that motto, one of those times is right now. It's weird. It seems like the only time I have trouble following my own motto is when I seem to need it the most. Everything seems impossible, that there is no slimmest chance, there isn't even a slight hope... or so it seems. But I have to keep on reminding myself of that quote. Sometimes I'm caught in such a freakin' bad mood that nothing can heal it but his voice. Who knew a guys voice could be so healing, right? I certainly didn't. Now I can't sleep, and I'm definitely not hungry. I can't concentrate on anything. I went to mutual tonight, and the whole time I was fanticizing about how I wish things were and how I knew they couldn't be. Plus, I've written a lot of poems and stuff to help me get through like you guys have read. I find it really ironic how they're all depressing, and I wrote them when I was actually feeling kind of happy.
I told my friends that I talk to before English today that I was feeling rainbow, but honestly, over the day it has turned into more of a blue, and purple and black. Basically, bruised all over. I'm sure I'll feel better soon, but until then, I'll just sit here listening to my music.

Love Y'all,
Emma Susan Tibbitts/The Broken

Happy Happy Happy!

Well, I'm not really in a bad mood today, so I'm going to write about how amazing life is. I think I swallowed some really happy air that happens to be making me float on a cloud here. Just being in his presence is making me amazing. I'm not sitting right next to him right now, but I can sense how close he is. I'm so happy right now, that I'm not even hungry even though it's lunch. I think my love for him will keep me full. Either that, or I ate a ton of dinner last night, but I think I'll stick with the whole love thing. Every freakin' time I look at him I have to smile because of how amazing he is. He's so amazing that I'm a little bit jealous of how amazing he is. He makes me smile, laugh, at everything he does. He makes me want to sing with joy. Whenever I'm near him I feel warm and fuzzy inside, maybe it's just part of being in love. I was looking at every picture of every famous actor that I am currently in love with, and they all have something in common with him like dark eyes, dark hair. In one word, he's beautiful, and he's not afraid to admit it. Some people can't believe I'm in love at this age, but to tell you the truth, now, I have no doubt. For one, he's still talking to me and I'm pretty sure he knows, and may or may not be reading this right now. If you are, just know this, I love you so much, and no-one, like my letter says could ever feel how strongly I do.
Honestly, when I thought I was in love before, I haven't been. I think I just believed I was because it helped pass the time, and made me feel happy even if it was just for a little while. No offense to all of those boys, they did make me happy--well, actually, that one didn't, but honestly, he doesn't matter anymore. I am so happy right now, I don't care about anything else except for the very reason for my happiness. I completely understand that people may think I'm crazy, but I'm not acting to impress anybody else. I'm acting for me, myself and I and nobody else. Hear that? I really don't care what other people think of me because as Eleanor Roosevelt said: No one can make me feel inferior without my consent.
I've made that simple line one of my biggest mottos, because it's true. No one can make you feel anything without your approval. I certainly didn't believe that all the time, because at one point I went home crying every day because of what somebody had said to me. Now, I don't really care.
I think it's really funny how one different thing can change your whole opinion on a matter. Recently, mbity crush has been interacting and flirting a lot more than he used to be. I feel like we are growing closer every day. I AM SO HAPPY!
<3///
Emma Susan Tibbitts!!!!!!
























YAYA!!!!!!!