Danny, Danny, Danny

I just realized you haven't heard anything about my boyfriend yet! Well, know that you know I have one, I better start telling you about him! Just swear you won't tell anyone, because it's supposed to be  a secret. Shh! haha. Well, on the thirteenth we were sitting on the couch in his basement. We've always been really good friends, but a few days ago, he said something that made me really surprised, but really happy. As I was saying, we were just sitting there talking. It was his birthday, and the celebrations were over, and we were just hanging out after his family had all left. He put his arm around my shoulder, and I thought it was just a friendly gesture, but what he said, definitely told me otherwise. "Emma," he said. "You know how it's my birthday?" he asked me.
I said, "yeah."
and he said, "Well, the only thing that could make this birthday better was if you'd be my girlfriend."
We've been really good friends for awhile, so I couldn't believe that he actually asked me out. I didn't think he would ask me out, but apparently as of yesterday, meaning Sunday... he's moving away. Halfway across the US and I'll only ever see him like once or twice a year. He is the most amazing person I have ever met, and I think I might be in love with him. I know that I'm supposed to like you all know who, but, seriously, Danny is my boyfriend now. We were talking about not keeping our relationship because neither of us like long-distance, and it would totally distract me from my schoolwork. So maybe it's me that didn't want a long distance relationship, but I've changed my mind. As of today, we are still in a relationship. :)

Wahoo!

So... I bet you're wondering why I am filled with excitement at this moment in time. So... I'm not going to tell you......... JUST KIDDING! I'm sure all of you are very excited to hear why I am so happy at this current moment in time. So, here it goes. I was sitting in my Foods Class with Mrs. Wall today, and  I decided that I was going to check my email because I hadn't in a couple days, and guess what the first message in the inbox said??? It was entitled: You ARE published!!!! Yay! I'm going to be in a book called Stars in Our Hearts, and it's going to be amazing. It's kind of expensive, but I'm sure that my mom will buy it for me because it's an officialy PUBLISHED POETRY BOOK! and MY POEM IS IN IT! I just wish I hadn't spent all that freakin' money on all of that stupid stuff. This is way more important. There's a special discount for the people published in the book--like me. It's ten dollars less than the original price. Problem is, there are only a few more days that counts and there are only five copies left. I would take so much care of that book. Not write in it, not write on it... don't let anyone else touch it. Yeah, that special. I mean seriously, it's my first time ever being published in an offiicial book! Ahh! I am so excited. No sorrow or heart-break at all, at the current moment. My my my, how things can change so fast. Wish me luck convincing my mom! :D Love you guys!

<3 <3 <3 <3 <3/

Emma

Susan

The

Published


Tibbitts!

Heart-Broken.

I hear him talking about this girl, and the title explains exactly how I feel. I still feel like I'm slowly dying inside, but I know I'm not. It feels like everything is running in slow motion, but I have to remind myself every time that that only happens in movies, and not in real life. It's weird. Whenever I learn something new about this situation and where it's going, I always hear a song a little while after that makes complete sense. Last night, yeah, it was horrible, but today is worse. Now I have to listen to it most of the day. I've been really confused lately, and I need some major help. I asked one of my really close friends, and she told me what she honestly thought, and then I asked my cousin and she gave me her best advice by saying to be careful what I talk to him about. I'm just so scared that I'm going to say something really stupid. And I'm usually not scared of anything, so this is serious. I barely slept last night--meaning I slept like three hours because I was thinking about how stupid the whole situation I'm getting into for the millionth time. I hate it how I always say I'm never going to fall in love again, and that's exactly what I do just a few days/weeks later. I was laying on the couch this morning during scripture study, holding the stuffed animal that always makes me feel better (a stuffed lamb that I have had since I was barely one.) Then, all of a sudden.... wait for it.... I felt a tear in the corner of my eye. Ever since last year, I told myself I would never cry about a guy because of how horrible that situation was, but now, I am taking away that lie I told myself. Of course, at the time I didn't really know it was a lie, but now, I know it's stupid, but I can't really help it but cry for a guy. I get hurt so easily, which is probably the reason why no guy is really into me--either that, or they're too shy to tell me, but I highly doubt that. I've been feeling really negative since yesterday, and it isn't just because of him. It's because of this other jerk that said some really mean things to me yesterday while I was also talking to the special person you all know so much about. I feel like I'm going to die. I know I've said that a million and four times, but I really think it's true. I think it's possible to die of a broken heart. I don't understand. He was showing all of the signs of liking me, but now I'm really upset that he doesn't--or does.... I'm just so confused, and I really don't know what to do. I'm feeling a song coming on.... This should be great :)

What do you do, when you're heart is breaking? When you can't find the wings to fly? When the courage is gone, and the fear overcomes, and the sadness, the pain overrides. When gentleness ends, when hardship descends, when the days of the past are over. 


When the song of my life, and the poems, and the words, when life as I know it, is gone for good. Where the story of life, is nothing more than a dream; when the time for goodbyes, is coming. Now my heart is full, of hopelessness, no cheer; and the dreams I dreamed, are lost.


That's all I have so far. Promise me you won't copy it. It may be a hit! :D

Sorrow...

Guess my streak of happiness is all gone! Big whoop. Who really cares. Well, for one I do. Sorry for the short span of happiness, but things haven't been going so dandy from the last time I wrote. As some of you may know, not from the blog, but just from talking in person, that I've made some drastic decisions in the past week or so, and finally the results are coming. Just not in the way I expected them. He likes someone else that he knows better, and now I'm lost on what to do. I had so much hope, and now that's really quickly fading. I need some positive encouragement. This pain is worse than I've ever felt before, and I don't know what I'm going to do about it. Right now, I'm listening to blues music and a bunch of songs all entitled heart-break. Lousy, I know, but it's how I'm getting by at the moment. I've liked many guys before like I said in the post before this, but none of them, not one, ever amounted to the way I feel right now. It's eating away at my soul I feel so bad. I know he was definitely ready to find out, but now I kind of regret ever making the decision I did. I'm not going to go into specifics because we all know the whole story. It's always the same, and it always ends the same way. I'm just sitting here hoping that this story has just begun, and this is just the first road-block. I know I'm not going to die or anything here, but I feel like I'm dying on the inside. It's slow, but I can definitely feel it. It's as if the whole world is falling apart right from underneath my feet, which is sort of like my dream from Thursday, which was amazing by the way. I just wonder if I was seeing some twisted version of the future that was coming. I'm keeping a dream journal called, "Dreams That Won't Come True," Yeah, I'm thinking this is definitely one of those dreams. I feel like I have no hope for a future with him--actually, I'm almost positive there is not future, but I can still hope, can't I? Or are you taking that away too? Remember the quote from my first post? I'm still trying to make that my goal and motto, but times are getting really tough. It's what they guy in my first ever finished one time through book said:
Always believe in the slightest of hopes, the slimmest of chances, and believe anything is possible.
Sometimes it's really hard for me to follow that motto, one of those times is right now. It's weird. It seems like the only time I have trouble following my own motto is when I seem to need it the most. Everything seems impossible, that there is no slimmest chance, there isn't even a slight hope... or so it seems. But I have to keep on reminding myself of that quote. Sometimes I'm caught in such a freakin' bad mood that nothing can heal it but his voice. Who knew a guys voice could be so healing, right? I certainly didn't. Now I can't sleep, and I'm definitely not hungry. I can't concentrate on anything. I went to mutual tonight, and the whole time I was fanticizing about how I wish things were and how I knew they couldn't be. Plus, I've written a lot of poems and stuff to help me get through like you guys have read. I find it really ironic how they're all depressing, and I wrote them when I was actually feeling kind of happy.
I told my friends that I talk to before English today that I was feeling rainbow, but honestly, over the day it has turned into more of a blue, and purple and black. Basically, bruised all over. I'm sure I'll feel better soon, but until then, I'll just sit here listening to my music.

Love Y'all,
Emma Susan Tibbitts/The Broken

Happy Happy Happy!

Well, I'm not really in a bad mood today, so I'm going to write about how amazing life is. I think I swallowed some really happy air that happens to be making me float on a cloud here. Just being in his presence is making me amazing. I'm not sitting right next to him right now, but I can sense how close he is. I'm so happy right now, that I'm not even hungry even though it's lunch. I think my love for him will keep me full. Either that, or I ate a ton of dinner last night, but I think I'll stick with the whole love thing. Every freakin' time I look at him I have to smile because of how amazing he is. He's so amazing that I'm a little bit jealous of how amazing he is. He makes me smile, laugh, at everything he does. He makes me want to sing with joy. Whenever I'm near him I feel warm and fuzzy inside, maybe it's just part of being in love. I was looking at every picture of every famous actor that I am currently in love with, and they all have something in common with him like dark eyes, dark hair. In one word, he's beautiful, and he's not afraid to admit it. Some people can't believe I'm in love at this age, but to tell you the truth, now, I have no doubt. For one, he's still talking to me and I'm pretty sure he knows, and may or may not be reading this right now. If you are, just know this, I love you so much, and no-one, like my letter says could ever feel how strongly I do.
Honestly, when I thought I was in love before, I haven't been. I think I just believed I was because it helped pass the time, and made me feel happy even if it was just for a little while. No offense to all of those boys, they did make me happy--well, actually, that one didn't, but honestly, he doesn't matter anymore. I am so happy right now, I don't care about anything else except for the very reason for my happiness. I completely understand that people may think I'm crazy, but I'm not acting to impress anybody else. I'm acting for me, myself and I and nobody else. Hear that? I really don't care what other people think of me because as Eleanor Roosevelt said: No one can make me feel inferior without my consent.
I've made that simple line one of my biggest mottos, because it's true. No one can make you feel anything without your approval. I certainly didn't believe that all the time, because at one point I went home crying every day because of what somebody had said to me. Now, I don't really care.
I think it's really funny how one different thing can change your whole opinion on a matter. Recently, mbity crush has been interacting and flirting a lot more than he used to be. I feel like we are growing closer every day. I AM SO HAPPY!
<3///
Emma Susan Tibbitts!!!!!!
























YAYA!!!!!!!

Happiness

I just decided I need to write something happy for a change. Everything I've been writing lately, or at least for the most part has been really depressing so I have officially decided to get out of this 'challenging time' by thinking about happy things instead of all of the horrible things that are happening to me right now. I'm really sorry about all of my negativity. i really try to be positive, but I've been really stressed and emotionally down lately--I'm not saying that's a reasonable excuse for my actions, but I just want to let you guys know that when I'm in a good mood I think nothing about the negative. I got to be the sun in Science for a demonstration and now my nickname is Sunny because of that. I guess I'll have to try better than I am because I'm not even smiling right now. I'm flat-lipped, and I don't think that will change for a while--Dang! I'm still being negative. Somebody please slap me.
Lately I've taken up writing letters to somebody who is very dear to me even though I have known him only since August. I explain my feelings over and over again hoping that one day he'll just catch the hint and do something about it instead of making me take all of the effort to make things work out between us. I just wish it were easier to say things that are really important to me. I know I ask a lot of questions, but I need to know the answer to this age old question. Why are guys so confusing?!?! Somebody has to know the answer. Are they trying to be mysterious? Is he shy? Does he even really know I exist because sometimes I feel like I'm invisible to him.
I'm amazed by everything he does. Every time he makes me smile; every time he makes me laugh it makes me want to scream to think that he has no idea how deeply I really feel. He flirts with other girls right in front of me so much it proves even more that he has no idea. I said I was going to write about something happy so there's going to be a brief intermission....
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Alright, I'm back... here are some things that I thought of that should make me happy, but whenever I think of them, they make me think of something that brings me back into my depressed situation.

1. Flowers--Especially roses.  Roses should make me happy because they are so beautiful and they are my favorite flower, but thing is, they make me think of how much I want a guy to give me roses to show me how much he really cares. Thus, they either don't know that, or they don't really care. I'm not sure which one it is, but for right now, I'm going with number one to make myself feel happier.
2. Music--Yes, I do love music, but when I think of certain songs they make me feel especially upset because any song I listen to makes me feel extremely upset because they all also remind me of special people that may never know how I really feel.
3. Poetry. Most poems are really beautiful but ever since certain experiences that I won't go into time to explain, I haven't ever seemed to look at certain poems the same. The moment moved me so much that it put me in a funk of it's own and every time I look at that book I'm either really happy or really depressed. Today, thankfully, it made me smile for a change.
4. Dante. Yes, Dante has made me both sad and happy. Happy because of how amazing he is to the people he loves and the fact that he'd risk his life just for that, but sad because I know I probably won't be able to find somebody exactly like him no matter how hard I try. I am going to try to get as close as I can though, and I think I've found a pretty close match.

Recently, I've written a lot of poems about my feelings as well as some of you may know. They're very deep, and some of them are really depressing, but that was how I was feeling at the moment. Some of them I've translated them into Italian because the Italian language seems very romantic to me, and it's very beautiful which is why I'm learning it.

Every time I see him it either brings a smile to my face or makes me cry at the worst. I feel like I've fallen in love for real for the first time. I know perfectly well how old I am, and how crazy that sounds to some people, but I really think I'm telling the truth this time. Don't call me crazy. We were sent to this earth with our free agency, and this is what I'm choosing to believe right now, even though it may be really important that I be careful. 

Honestly, I do know how much I could get hurt if I believe in myself too much, but I want to have as much hope as I can if this is all going to work out. I'm on the verge of doing something very important and I need the courage, so please, have faith in me no matter how stupid you may think what I'm going to do may be for those of you who know what I'm doing, I just want to let you know that I had to do it at some point, and I figured that sooner was a lot better than later.

It doesn't matter if he doesn't feel the same--well, actually it does to me, but that's not the point here. I'm sure you've all heard this...

If you love someone, let them go; if the come back, they were always yours; if they don't, they never were.

Author Unknown

Jealousy and Hate

"Hate, is the face of jealousy." someone very wise once said. I personally, am really having trouble dealing with that right now. No, I don't hate anyone, but there are certain people I'm really jealous of. I don't know how to explain it. When some girl even talks about something, or even just jokes around with the guy I like, I tend to get really jealous and I can't handle it very well.

 I try not to let it get to me. Really, I'm just wishing that I could talk to this certain person more than I am right now. I feel like we're friends and all, but honestly, I want him to like me even more than anyone could ever imagine. I've been so stressed out lately about making the right impression and impressing him but I'm not really changing myself at all. Maybe he just isn't interested in me the way I am in him?

 Maybe I've been assuming things that aren't even partially true to be. I know some people think that I think of a guy that I like as just an object, but no, that's a lie. Like Jasmine said to her dad, "I am not a prize to be won!" I don't think of boys as prizes. I think about them and their individuality. 

Their awesomeness, and how they get along with me. That's all I think about. I want someone who will treat me right and who will accept me for me no matter what the circumstance. 

Like I've said time and time, maybe a million times over. Everyday I go home wishing he were there holding me in his arms and never letting go. I know it may seem like I'm kind of clingy, and I do know I am, I promise which is the reason why--or at least the reason why I assume that no guys have acted interested. Maybe I'm not good looking enough--because that's what seems to be the base of every guys reason for liking a girl nowadays. I'm sorry to all of the boys that aren't like that, but that's what it seems the majority of the male population are doing these days.

I'm kind of shy when I'm around people that mean a lot to me, and that can be a major problem especially when you need to get a really important message across to a very important person. It makes it even harder when you believe that you don't mean to them as much as they do to you. Throughout life I've been caught in a lot of love-traps that have seemed inescapable, but somehow I've always found my way back out of the funk I land in. Still though, I doubt this one will be as easy as all of the others.

He makes me feel like some guy actually cares what I have to say and he never says "Okay", "um", or "Yeah." He actually listens to what I have to say when I want to say it. He seems so perfect for me, but I almost always find him looking at someone else, when I was so sure he was staring at me just five seconds earlier. Guys are so confusing. I don't even know why I always manage to get myself stuck being in love with them. I'm not really sure what it is with me, but I always start liking a guy at the worst times. For instance, I started liking this guy right when I was in the middle of getting over another guy that I thought was completely out of my life. He is now, and I have somebody else even more important. Someone that I believe will be able to heal all of the hurt, even if it means he has to bring me to the truth before that. I've always been looking for someone who will always be there whenever I need comfort. Somebody that will take me to a happy place where I can truly be who I want to be. Let me rephrase that. I need someone to be there when I'm having a difficult time believing in myself and need a pick-me-up.

Well, it looks like my writer's block is gone now, or maybe I was just thinking really deeply and it will be gone by tomorrow.

With Love,

Emma

Writer's Block

Ah, the dreadful experiences of Writers' Block. Will it ever end? It's so dumb, I can't even think of anything to write on this dumb blog post, but maybe it will take me back into the writing swing. I used to be able to write like three page blog-posts, but now I can't really think of anything to write about, so I'm just going to wing it and see how it goes. Well, here goes... I might end up writing a song, and I just want to tell you all of this is Copyrighted :)

I don't really know how to explain how I'm feeling in poetry right now, or in the right words, so I probably won't go to a poem right away. I'm just going to not even go there. Instead, I'll talk about the past few days and thanksgiving and stuff.

For the past few days I haven't been able to sleep, so I've stayed up watching TV shows. More specifically crime TV shows. Even more specifically Criminal Minds, CSI, CSI Miami. Yes, I think I've found my new love. It's not that I didn't love them before, but now, I have a better appreciation for the detectives that solve all of our crimes.

I don't know how many of you watch Criminal Minds regularly, but I watched one the other day called Hope. It was about a girl that got kidnapped by this man because he new she was going to grow into a beautiful young woman. He married her, and then when she died he kidnapped Hope's mother. It was kind of a disturbing episode, but I still enjoyed it because the guy did learn a lesson in the end. 

That morning, (I haven't really gotten enough sleep in three days) I watched all of the episodes of Criminal Minds they had on CBS.com. There were only like three, but I watched all of them. It kind of gave me nightmares because of how creepy one of them was. It was called There's no place like home. Probably one of the creepiest things I have ever seen. I am never watching that one again.

Hey look, I'm actually writing something! Who knew that writing about what I did could actually spark something? I did, actually. So, I've been trying to write a good murder mystery, but I haven't really been sure how to start it. It's about a gold-digger guy who kills his wives when they run out of money. I know that it's really barbaric, but he doesn't like stab them repeatedly like in the CSI Miami episode I watched this morning. 

Wow, sorry to get off of subject, but I'm watching Iron Man, and this guy is so creepy. He's such a traitor and I just decided I hate him. But one thing I will say is, Iron Man/Stark is so handsome. (I'm not going to say hott, because I don't like to be called hot myself). But, I do have to admit, he really is.

I think I'm almost done here, because I'm kind of just rambling right now, and I know it sometimes gets annoying when I do that, so until later, maybe I'll be off this writers block.

The Letter.....

So, here's a letter I wrote... it's kind of aimed at the guy I like, and it's for my new book Angel Eyes. I know you aren't supposed to be working on more books than one at a time, but me, I have to work on this because it's about the guy I like from my point of view. I hope you like it!

            Dear, Randy/Erroll, 

            Well, if you didn’t know before, now you do! YOU ARE RANDY. Judging by how much I talk about Randy, you probably now know how much you mean to me; but just for the sake of it, let me write you this letter, and have you read it if you’d be so kind. Let me start by explaining something. No, it isn’t that I like you because I think you look like Randy, it’s because you are Randy to me. Let me explain.

Throughout the summer, after I read the Hourglass Door I made it my plan to find someone who would love me the way Dante loved Abbey in the Hourglass Door. I know we just barely met this year, and you barely know me, but I think I’ve found him. That is, found you; if you know what I mean. At the beginning of the year, I couldn’t stop looking at you—well, more like staring.

One other thing I should get straight with you; I don’t like you just because you’re handsome! That’s not the only reason I like you, I always like to refer to good looks as a bonus. The very first thing I noticed about you was you’re awesome way with people. You always have someone talking to you. Not saying it’s a bad thing—it’s actually a very good thing, but it makes it extremely hard for me to talk to you as much as I want to—as much as I need to, to really get to know you.

From what I know, and what my friends have said to me, it seems to me that you like me too. Thing is, I’m way too scared to ask you, because I always seem to have a crush on the guys that are ‘high on the popular food-chain’. Me, I’m kind of popular, but as we both know, I’m not the sharpest blade in the drawer. I never was, will never be, but I wanted to thank you for all of the respect and kindness you’ve showed. I just want to tell you I may not deserve it all the time. Also, all of the times I’ve said anything about you always needing help, I was just kidding and trying to flirt—which as you can tell, I’m not very good at.

I know that you supposedly don’t like anyone, but just to let you know, if you don’t like me you’re certainly leading me on. I’d much rather know the truth and be hurt about it that not know, and live in the dark. I want to know. Do you really like me, or am I living in some fantasy that I’ve invented for myself that you happen to be a big part of?

I won’t even try to tell you how much I like you. It would take too many words, and I’m already working on the novel that’s from my point of view. Obviously, I can’t do it from yours, because one, I don’t know what your point of view is, and two, well; I guess there isn’t really a number two.

Think about it, the girl you like goes around talking about her crush all the time… I know you ‘don’t like anyone’, but for the sake of this, think about it. How does it feel to feel so deeply about someone and then you find out they’ve had a girlfriend, and they aren’t even thinking a drop about you. I don’t know if that’s the situation here, but I just want to let you know that I go home every night thinking of things that could happen between you and I, and then I realize that you probably don’t even think of me.

So please, if you feel anything even a little bit close to compare with what I’m going through, watching you flirt aimlessly with other girls, tell me. Like I said, I’d rather be hurt by the truth, then unaware in the dark.

Love,

Emma (Susan) Tibbitts

 *NAMES ARE ALL CHANGED EXCEPT FOR MINE!

Post #2 of 11/11/11

Well, thanks.... my 11/11/11 wish is making me think a lot more now. Still, you gotta love love :)


You ever love somebody so much you can barely breathe
When you're with 'em
You meet and neither one of you even know what hit 'em
Got that warm fuzzy feeling
Yeah, them chills 

I do believe this part of love the way you lie totally explains how I'm feeling. I wish it were easier to talk to him. I think it's just because he's around his friends all the time, and he's kind of a ladies-man. If the guy I like happens to know I' like him, and he's reading this... I'd really appreciate it if you talked to me more often then just an occasional hello. 


Also, I am so angry at the moment. Just restarted my computer, and it deleted all of my freakin' typing! If I remember it later, I'll retype it but for now, I'll just tell you it was probably about Dante. Real or fake. (probably both) and how grateful I am that all of  you wonderful people I love to call my friends listen to my jabbering about either him or some other crush I have. It's good to know I have people I can go to that will (mostly) always be there to listen to me rant on and on about my troubles that I shouldn't even really be troubled about yet... I am only fourteen. But whatever.


Thing is, I think I'm going to be up all night, so if you would be willing to, I know it's almost morning right now, but (if you have my #) text me because I need someone's or lots of somebody's advice on a certain predicament I'm in. I like two best friends and I can't pick which one I like more.... I know I don't really need to pick one, but I don't want to be recognized as a cheater. I want people to recognize me as a faithful girl who doesn't watch other boys when she has a perfectly kind and courteous (handsome is just a plus)  right next to her--Well, currently Emma (me) doesn't because she's not sixteen, but for future references.


I love guys and all, but the stress I could totally deal without. No offense to any guy out there--like all of my friends that are guys (which are few :( ) but how can you guys be so bipolar. You say one thing one day, and the next day you act as if you never said it in the first place. I need some serious help. I'm gonna try to get some shut eye. Thanks for all you do.


Love you lots, (again)


Emma Susan (hey look, I gave you my middle name!) Tibbitts :D

Well, just a few hours ago, I got a request from somebody to do a blog post (Thanks Matt :-) and so, I decided I'd try my best to write something interesting for you guys to read. I'm about to turn on Good Luck Charlie, one of my favorite TV shows on Disney Channel, but, since I don't have cable, I'm watching it on Disney.com. Oh, lovely disney.com :) It is currently 11/11/11 and 10:38 (when I typed that) and I've already made my wish, but for good measure I'm going to make the wish again at the next 11:11 which is currently about twenty minute from now. I really hope this wish comes true because it's what I want most, and I'm pretty sure I'm in love with this new guy I have a crush on. He is amazing. Most of you guys know who he is, but for those of you who don't, I'm sure you'll find out soon enough. :D Mwahahaha :D I love secrets. You know the rhyme "Secrets, secrets are no fun. Secrets are for everyone!" Well, I don't believe that.... I think it's totally okay to keep certain secrets, as long as they're not too serious. I have lots of those. Maybe I'll let 'em out someday, but for now, I'll keep 'um to myself. :D Sorry this entry is so short, I should probably go to sleep soon :D Love you guys... and certain other people...
<3/ Emma

Hmmmm.......

Well, I'm in Geography again, and not really paying attention. I was just thinking about how confusing guys can be, and how you can think you don't like them anymore, but you actually do. No, I'm not talking about 'OF' for those of you who know who I'm talking about, but for those of you who do, we all know that could very well change at some point in time. I hate it how when you think you have your mind made up, but then something happens and it totally changes your mind. (Okay, maybe I might be switching a little bit over to 'OF', but that doesn't really necessarily mean I like him again)

This kind of has to do with your blog-post (if you know who you are)... about the corn-maze.

So, I was hanging out with my friend who I'll call my love doctor, because I always listen to her advice because it is WAY amazing and I love how well she listens. So, as I was saying, I was hanging out with my best-friend/love doctor, and we started talking about the subject of this post, a guy we like to call 'OF' and some other things.... (JUST A SIDE-NOTE... O.F. stands for Our Friend) and how we were going to hang out with each-other at the corn maze 

Another Post about My Characters...

This is how I imagine Luc to be.
He's in love with Baeli, but she never loved him.

This is Justin, Baeli's lover :)
He made a vow to protect her and
he never broke it.

Melanie is one of the protagonist. 

She likes Justin, but he likes Baeli.

She's really mean.

This is what I think Baeli looks like (I'm pretty sure its her).

I'm sure most of you already know all about her because

of my lavish descriptions, but I just want to say again, she loves Justin.

<3

This is what Baeli's dad is supposed to look like. 

Minus the smile. He's afraid to let Baeli go, so he 

tries to prevent it by denying his permissions for them

to go out, too bad it doesn't work!

I can't say much about Colton or it will ruin future readings....
some of you already know about him though...
Just gonna say, you are gong to be surprised!

Hope you enjoyed, it took me about twenty minutes to find all of these. <3 you guys!!!!!

Covers

Okay, this is my third blog, but I know you guys don't care. I edited those to pics. on picnik, and here are the two covers!!!!! Which one do you like more?

Yeah, I'm Writing Again

Time for blog post number two of the day. My, my, I'm thinking a lot today. This one is going to be about my on and off boyfriend. I'll be telling you important parts of the story as they come up, but for now, you can just know that we both still like each other, and we are waiting till were sixteen to officially start going out again. The two pictures are two optional covers for a book I'm writing about our story. I'm not sure which one to use, so it would be greatly appreciated if you guys gave me any suggestions.
So, for awhile--it seems like forever--this guy and I have been really good friends. I'm not scared to tell him anything, even the fact that I like him. Which I did, just yesterday. I'd been trying to work up the courage to talk to him since the beginning of school, but for some reason every time we leave school for the Summer we grow further apart and then we have to start over right where we left off. This year is no different. Very recently I have discovered that I still like, and very possibly am in love with this ex-boyfriend of mine. I don't know why, but something clicked in my brain. I walked into the school a few weeks ago, and in my mind I said, "Woah, Tyler is turning out to be really cute!" I didn't tell anyone until a few days into last week. The important thing that happened though, is the conversation between me and Tyler yesterday.

I walked outside because I knew that's where he was going to be, and I sat down by his group and said, "I thought I'd join the party."
He said, "Hey, welcome. What did you want to talk to me about?"
"I can't say it right here."
"Where do you want  to go?"
"Let's walk," I suggested.
We started walking, and I said. "I've thought about it a lot over the summer, and I've been thinking about it a lot lately--" I stopped. "You already know what I'm going to say, so just say it."
He teased me, and was like "Is it that.... no, it can't be...." He said. "Just go on."
"and, I've decided I still like you."
Okay, I have to explain something to explain, don't I. If you know me and Tyler's story even a little bit you know how powerful those words that I said are. Since last year, I have known that he has had a crush on me since Kindergarten, and something I've realized is that I have liked him that long too, even if it was very subtle to even me. Up until now, I didn't really realize what it meant to love someone--and neither did Tyler. That's what we were talking about while passing notes last year. That's also when we agreed to wait till sixteen which is where I got the story for Sixteen/Sweet Revenge.
Here's more of the conversation:
I said, "Oh, you know how you kept on getting on my nerves to find us a theme song?"
"Yeah," he said.
"Well I found one," I told him. "Have you heard One And Only by Adele?"
"No," he said.
"It's a good song." I said in a whisper.
Then we walked over to the garbage cans so he could throw his food away. I said, "Oh, and I started writing our story like you wanted me to."
"Okay, cool." he said.
"Yeah, I only have like two paragraphs though, cause I just barely started today." I told him.
"You should email it to me so I can read it."
"Okay, you should email me your version so I can read that."
Then I walked away cause I had nothing better to do.

Thing is, I'm not really sure what to do... I don't think he fully understands exactly how far my feelings extend but I don't want to tell him because he's teased me about things like this before, and I'm pretty sure he'd still tease me, even thought the point of the whole situation is him. I'll make a chart later about good and bad things that have been happening. I'm not really sure he likes me anymore, but I really really hope he does. I'll probably at least wait to tell him how I really feel till fifteen. What do you guys think I should do? I am almost completely clueless.

<3/  Confused Soul

Geography.... again....

Well, I think I might be developing a bit of a habit here.... I mean, the blogging in Geography. This time, I'm not actually going to be blogging blogging about how dumb Geo. is, but instead, I'm going to tell you a little bit about what happened to me on Saturday. Don't worry, if something important comes up later today, I will blog a bit more.

But first, here comes Saturday.
When I woke up Saturday morning, I was really grumpy so I got grounded from going to the regional. Now, I am so glad that I got ungrounded for the regional, but I didn't know how important it was going to be then, but now... I am VERY grateful. What I'm going to tell you about first, happened at an awesome party that I went to with my awesome friends Sara/Raine; and Dreamer123456, and basically, my whole ward... even a guy I used to like.

I got there, and me and my friend ran up to each other, and spun around in the very cheesy--but very awesome hug that we always greet each other with. Then she said, "Sara's coming too!"
I screamed in joy! :) Yep, I did. Then, Sara got there. I had brought my Italian phrasebook and dictionary so we were looking up random stuff to know how to say. Then, all of a sudden,  it happened.
I said, "Oh my gosh!" than I laughed, "it's him!" I said, excitedly. by him I mean the guy in our ward that I used to like, and might still like, but I certainly hope not because of how much he hurt me, but that's a story for another day.

He was walking towards the party with his family, his mom carrying a desert because the women had all signed up to make a desert. (by the way, she ended up winning the contest). For awhile my friends and I just sat around playing games that we like to make up. Then, we decided to go talk to Justin I'll call him. At this point in life, I've decided to stop liking him--or at least try to as much as I can. I'm not going to tell you the whole back-story because it's very long so I'll just tell you later.

We all started talking about random stuff with another one of our neighbors, and then Justin saw my Italian dictionary and took it and looked at it... then he gave it back. Nothing much happened, but for a minute I thought I might like him again.... not happening.

Alright, now for the regional. We picked up all of the people to pick up, and then we got to the dance. We all just danced around for awhile to some Halloween songs, and other stuff. We did the dance to Footloose. there is kind of a back story to this, but it kind of happens in the background.

While we were doing the dance to footloose, I looked to my left and saw a guy I like right now to my left doing the dance with us. I just have to say one thing. He. Is. A. Great. Dancer. Also, I saw my ex-boyfriend, who I'm thinking I still like because when I saw him dancing with another chica I got a little bit jealous. I was going to ask him to dance, but he was always dancing with other chicas. Now, it is time for the wonderful happening.

Yes, there's another guy. For awhile I was trying to get up the courage to dance with him, but every time I did he was dancing with another girl. Finally, after a very long time I just walked up to him and asked him to dance. I had to tell him twice so he could hear me (I wasn't talking quiet, the dance was just loud). Here's the conversation we had.

Me: Hey
Him: Hi
Me: How's it going?
Him: Good, what about you?
Me: Pretty good.
Him: How many of these dances have you been to?
Me: All of them. Since June.

Then we were quiet for awhile, then I said.
Me: Does Mrs. N (I took the name out, so no one will know who it is) ever get on your nerves?
I couldn't quite hear what he said, but I assume he agreed.
Then I started just staring at him. Then it got awkward again, and we started talking about school again.
Me: What's your favorite class?
Him: Geography, I have Packer
Me: me too! Fifth period

Me: When's your birthday?
Him: April
Me: Mine's in May

Then the song ended, and so did anything important :)

Love,

Emma.... more later!

Fish, Fish... are. stupid.

     Well, I'm in Geography right now. There are are about twenty-five minutes till lunch.... I'm really hungry by the way, even though we made spaghetti two periods ago. Anyway, back to the subject at hand. We are in Geography, and we're watching a video about surviving in the arctic. It's talking about all the animals and stuff--what I say next has nothing to do with the way I feel about animals, because I just love animals, but seriously, why do we really need to know what it would be like to survive in the arctic? It's talking about what they ate, and how important it was to keep a clear mind there and crap like that.
     A few weeks ago, we had a substitute in Science, and we watched a really dumb video about fish scarcity! I almost fell asleep, hear that, ASLEEP! If you know me, that rarely happens, and when it does that means it was seriously boring. So, onto a happier subject. Like my dear friend Sara/Raine, I am going to write a little bit about my book.
      I'm going to start with a character sketch for each one, just out of preference. Then I'll tell you a little bit about the plot and setting. Also like Sara, I would love more than anything--besides the guy I like to feel the same about me--to get this published.

     Baeli Bonai: She's the main character, which is why I put her first. All she really wants in life is to find happiness, and be able to take care of her brother in a safe environment. She has dark black hair, and bright blue eyes. She's kind of skinny. Also like my awesome friend said, Baeli is like me, but she looks nothing like me.

     Justin Mayes: He's kind of a main character, a supporting character, and a little bit of antagonist put all into one. He has a crush on somebody... (see, I have a lot in common with Sara) the aforementioned, which you find out pretty early on in the book. He has dark black hair, and green eyes (java), and he's just a little bit taller than Baeli. He's a really nice kid.... that's all I'm going to say...

       Ian Bonai: Ian is Baeli's little brother, who ever since he was eleven has gained the habit of smoking cigarettes  although he is trying to break that habit. He looks almost exactly like Baeli except he has hazel eyes.

   
      OKAY, HERE COME THE ANTAGONISTS
     I'm not going to give a lot of detail on the antagonists, because that might ruin the story for if you want to read it when it's published, but I'll tell you what they look like, and sort of their personalities.

      Joseph Bonai: You probably already guessed this one, but he's her dad. At the beginning, Justin kindly asks him if he can go out with Baeli, but he says no. The whole book is about them trying to get permission... he looks like Baeli... or should I say, 'Baeli looks like him.'

   
      The queen: I can't say much about her, because it would probably give away some of the plot, accept I will say that she just might have been falsely accused ;)

     Colton: I also can't say much about him, except he plays a very important role!!!!! Even though he's an antagonist, you may find yourself falling for him, I know I did before I made him the antagonist... seriously, the idea just flew out at me... I was like OMG! It was Colton!

Well that was a lot of typing.... I should probably go now, time for dinner!

<3 Emma

Here I am.... This Is Me.... AGAIN.

     Well, I'm going to start by saying school--mainly Geography--is so boring. We aren't doing anything except for sitting in our seats waiting of the lunch bell to ring. I didn't get breakfast this morning, so I am starved. I wonder what's for lunch. I decided I'm going to share three random things about me every day, to get my brain flowing to hopefully get me a story idea.

1. I don't like yellow. I know, I know... it's a happy color, and I'm supposed to be a really happy person (by the way, I am, but I just don't like it. Yellow is the color of bees, and bees sting you and it hurts. So I'm just going to leave it at that.
2. 'My precious,' yep.... I have lots of preciousnesses. As you probably already assumed, I love guys... you are going to hear a lot of great stories about the wonderful 'precious guys' that I just love in my life.... you might get scared.
3. I hate vegetables... except for the tasty ones. I'm thinking about becoming an eater of only fruit and meat... what do you think??? Veggies just have no taste... unless they have butter and salt on them. Then they're tasty.

     Well, I've officially drawn a blank. Hope you enjoyed this, but I'm going to go now.

Peace, Love, Happiness, and having the time of you're life! :D

Emma

17 Miracles

I don't know how many of my readers' have seen the movie 17 miracles, but it is amazing! It's about a Mormon hand-cart company that traveled over three hundred miles to make it to Zion, the place where they could live peacefully, and find true happiness. It goes through and shows all of the miracles they experienced along the way. It is truly amazing how many of those things they survived, and how much faith they had to have in order to cross. I don't know how many of you guys are religious, but I just wanted to share my testimony.

I know in my heart that through the Lord God we can do anything, and that through having faith in every footstep we can achieve greatness. I know that President Thomas S. Monson is the true living prophet today and that through him we can find our way back to living with Christ and our Heavenly Father again. I know that Christ suffered for all of our sins, and that through that we can find our way back to our heavenly home. I know that the book of Mormon is the true work of God given to us through man, and that it gives us truths that will help us to return. I know that we were sent here to earth to learn, and to grow in faith.

Well I'm pretty sure I won't be writing much more, but I just wanted to thank all of my friends for always being there for me--even when I'm being really weird, yes, I know, I definitely don't deserve as great friends as you, but I still want to thank you no matter how undeserving. You've supported me in everything I do, even if it isn't very smart. I love all of you guys more than words can say, so I'm just going to go, and let you know that I will always be there.

<3/
Your Boy Crazy Friend :-)

Les Miserables Life

   Well, let me just say, that as my 'display name' suggests I love Les Miserables. The story, the characters, they all come together to make a really great story. It may be sad, but you can actually learn some really great lessons from it no matter how hard it is.


   I'm not going to give any spoilers to those who haven't seen, or read the book--which i hope isn't many because it is a.m.a.z.i.n.g. Well, anyway back to the story... I know for certain this is reaching Dreamer123456 is reading this, but for anyone else... I might use some inside jokes you won't understand. Please feel free to ignore that as we continue to laugh our heads off.


   It started like this. "Hey, his eyes sparkle!" (THIS REFERRING TO JEAN VAUGH JEAN)
   That sent us into a burst of laughter. 


 Then, when I was walking my friend home we started trying to figure out who we'd be in Les Miserables. She said, she'd be Cozette and I'd be Eponine because at one point, we liked the same guy, but now, were not really sure who likes him anymore. We have it all figured out with two different guys as Marius... personally, I prefer the one that I call Dante who also happens to like me back in all of my friends opinions. I'm still not so sure though. That's what my next journal entry so I won't go into much detail... just be prepared to share your opinions.

Friday, September 30, 2011

"Always believe in the slightest of hopes, the slimmest of chances, and believe anything is possible."
~Justin Mayes
Let Me Be Your Hero

Well, let me just say that before I wrote this quote I had an almost completely different point of view than Justin portrays in this. I had a lot of trouble believing in what seemed to be the impossible, or having hope in hard times, or just looking at the positive. I always complained, was a pain to be around, and just ran around wild and crazy. I didn't really take time to think through my decisions, or actions and just acted like winging it would bring me through every time. That's how I learned all of my hard lessons. Now, I am a lot smarter.
Like the title of this blog says, I am going to be writing a lot about my guy life, my music life--meaning what songs and artists I'm interested in, and life in general. But for now, this entry is going to be based on that quote. No matter how hard it may seem at times, truthfully, anything is possible even if it's only by a slight percentage of possibility. For instance, take the show Who Wants to Be A Millionaire. Think about it, everyone has an equal chance of getting on it, but not everyone will.
Then there's guys, you may think you've found the love of your life, who may or may not like you back; also there might be yet another guy with his eyes on you who thinks you're the one. You just have to consider all of the possibilities.
If you have this big dream... yes, i know, everyone has something they want. It's part of being human. For me, it's becoming a New York Times Bestselling author. I used to have major doubts about my abilities, but now, after I've finished a novel, and am now in the revising process I have that quote to pull me through all of the rough spots.
Basically, what I'm saying, it's good to always hold a little bit of hope in your heart, even if it's almost invisible. Believe in your abilities, and take chances (but make sure you think through them first :) Follow your heart, and trust what it tells you. We all need to learn from our mistakes even though they may be really hard.

And REMEMBER...

Always believe in the slightest of hopes, the slimmest of chances, and believe anything is possible....

AND

Everything happens for a reason, no matter how dumb and pointless it may seem.... there are no accidents.