Heart-Broken.

I hear him talking about this girl, and the title explains exactly how I feel. I still feel like I'm slowly dying inside, but I know I'm not. It feels like everything is running in slow motion, but I have to remind myself every time that that only happens in movies, and not in real life. It's weird. Whenever I learn something new about this situation and where it's going, I always hear a song a little while after that makes complete sense. Last night, yeah, it was horrible, but today is worse. Now I have to listen to it most of the day. I've been really confused lately, and I need some major help. I asked one of my really close friends, and she told me what she honestly thought, and then I asked my cousin and she gave me her best advice by saying to be careful what I talk to him about. I'm just so scared that I'm going to say something really stupid. And I'm usually not scared of anything, so this is serious. I barely slept last night--meaning I slept like three hours because I was thinking about how stupid the whole situation I'm getting into for the millionth time. I hate it how I always say I'm never going to fall in love again, and that's exactly what I do just a few days/weeks later. I was laying on the couch this morning during scripture study, holding the stuffed animal that always makes me feel better (a stuffed lamb that I have had since I was barely one.) Then, all of a sudden.... wait for it.... I felt a tear in the corner of my eye. Ever since last year, I told myself I would never cry about a guy because of how horrible that situation was, but now, I am taking away that lie I told myself. Of course, at the time I didn't really know it was a lie, but now, I know it's stupid, but I can't really help it but cry for a guy. I get hurt so easily, which is probably the reason why no guy is really into me--either that, or they're too shy to tell me, but I highly doubt that. I've been feeling really negative since yesterday, and it isn't just because of him. It's because of this other jerk that said some really mean things to me yesterday while I was also talking to the special person you all know so much about. I feel like I'm going to die. I know I've said that a million and four times, but I really think it's true. I think it's possible to die of a broken heart. I don't understand. He was showing all of the signs of liking me, but now I'm really upset that he doesn't--or does.... I'm just so confused, and I really don't know what to do. I'm feeling a song coming on.... This should be great :)

What do you do, when you're heart is breaking? When you can't find the wings to fly? When the courage is gone, and the fear overcomes, and the sadness, the pain overrides. When gentleness ends, when hardship descends, when the days of the past are over. 


When the song of my life, and the poems, and the words, when life as I know it, is gone for good. Where the story of life, is nothing more than a dream; when the time for goodbyes, is coming. Now my heart is full, of hopelessness, no cheer; and the dreams I dreamed, are lost.


That's all I have so far. Promise me you won't copy it. It may be a hit! :D