"Hate, is the face of jealousy." someone very wise once said. I personally, am really having trouble dealing with that right now. No, I don't hate anyone, but there are certain people I'm really jealous of. I don't know how to explain it. When some girl even talks about something, or even just jokes around with the guy I like, I tend to get really jealous and I can't handle it very well.
I try not to let it get to me. Really, I'm just wishing that I could talk to this certain person more than I am right now. I feel like we're friends and all, but honestly, I want him to like me even more than anyone could ever imagine. I've been so stressed out lately about making the right impression and impressing him but I'm not really changing myself at all. Maybe he just isn't interested in me the way I am in him?
Maybe I've been assuming things that aren't even partially true to be. I know some people think that I think of a guy that I like as just an object, but no, that's a lie. Like Jasmine said to her dad, "I am not a prize to be won!" I don't think of boys as prizes. I think about them and their individuality.
Their awesomeness, and how they get along with me. That's all I think about. I want someone who will treat me right and who will accept me for me no matter what the circumstance.
Like I've said time and time, maybe a million times over. Everyday I go home wishing he were there holding me in his arms and never letting go. I know it may seem like I'm kind of clingy, and I do know I am, I promise which is the reason why--or at least the reason why I assume that no guys have acted interested. Maybe I'm not good looking enough--because that's what seems to be the base of every guys reason for liking a girl nowadays. I'm sorry to all of the boys that aren't like that, but that's what it seems the majority of the male population are doing these days.
I'm kind of shy when I'm around people that mean a lot to me, and that can be a major problem especially when you need to get a really important message across to a very important person. It makes it even harder when you believe that you don't mean to them as much as they do to you. Throughout life I've been caught in a lot of love-traps that have seemed inescapable, but somehow I've always found my way back out of the funk I land in. Still though, I doubt this one will be as easy as all of the others.
He makes me feel like some guy actually cares what I have to say and he never says "Okay", "um", or "Yeah." He actually listens to what I have to say when I want to say it. He seems so perfect for me, but I almost always find him looking at someone else, when I was so sure he was staring at me just five seconds earlier. Guys are so confusing. I don't even know why I always manage to get myself stuck being in love with them. I'm not really sure what it is with me, but I always start liking a guy at the worst times. For instance, I started liking this guy right when I was in the middle of getting over another guy that I thought was completely out of my life. He is now, and I have somebody else even more important. Someone that I believe will be able to heal all of the hurt, even if it means he has to bring me to the truth before that. I've always been looking for someone who will always be there whenever I need comfort. Somebody that will take me to a happy place where I can truly be who I want to be. Let me rephrase that. I need someone to be there when I'm having a difficult time believing in myself and need a pick-me-up.
Well, it looks like my writer's block is gone now, or maybe I was just thinking really deeply and it will be gone by tomorrow.
With Love,
Emma
No comments:
Post a Comment