Bored.

Well, yes I am really bored as the title says. It's not even a day since I wrote, but I'm pretty bored right now and I don't have anything going on or planned for awhile so I guess I'll just write. Ever since the moment I woke up I have had so much on my mind and I'm  not quite sure how to get it out. Right now I'm watching Fruits Basket and I'm kinda falling for another anime guy, but I'm pretty sure Tamaki is always going to be my only love. I know it's really dumb to think about a pretend character but I can't really help it. He's just everything I want in a guy and I keep on finding all these guys in real life that are exactly like him. Every time I see his face I smile, without even thinking. I know most people out there wouldn't understand how it really is, but for the people who really do I'm grateful.

I'm not sure where to go on from here... there are all those guys out there and the two friends brothers that I like but I'm not really sure what all of life means at the moment. There is just so much crap that I don't understand, making it nearly even more impossible to think. I guess the point is, is that I need some direction. Praying helps, but I think what I need is my patriarchal blessing because that is direction meant for me(: Anyway, back to the point. Last night at dinner I found yet another Tamaki (he was one of the waiters)  and all we exchanged was smiles. I guess that's probably a good thing because he was like six or seven years older than me. I know I'll find my true love one day, but for now I guess I've just gotta keep dreaming about it.

Sometimes I wish it were easier... without all of this crap... doubting myself, my future, what I'll turn out to be. I'm really surprised about how much an anime show can make you think but I guess it's because she's a natural thinker and in a way I'm kind of like her like that, It's making me wonder though... could it mean something that I'm thinking about all of this right now, like I'm supposed to be getting something out of this. In a way it's bringing me a lot of good cheer as-well, knowing that something is totally bound to happen but I have no idea what it is yet. I've written forever, so I'm going to go for now but I'll probably be back later with more(:
Love, Always,
Emma Suoh <3

New Crush, Starting Over

Well, for awhile I liked this guy but now that I'm over him I like two other guys. The really dumb thing is that they are both my friends older brothers. One of them is sixteen, the other one is nineteen. (Some of you will know who I'm talking about.) One of those crushes just started today and I'm not quite even sure why I like him yet. I mean, he has gorgeous eyes and he's so nice, and he loves anime like me... and yeah. I guess I sorta just explained all of it, but I'm still kind of confused. He's different... but in a good way and I can't help but smile when I think about how we met. Me and my friend were just sitting in her room watching Full Metal Alchemist: Brotherhood, and then her brother walks in. He doesn't really say much except for hi and tell me that I should watch it.. but he was so sweet, and it was so easy to talk to him that I can't help it. He's so different from the other guy I like. So much easier to talk to... so much friendlier and he doesn't like I'm an idiot. Too bad he likes another girl... figures so does my other crush. I guess I just need to face the fact that I'm not gonna find my husband at the age of fifteen and I need to really keep my focus on what I was before. I'll write more as soon as I can, but right now I gotta go to a wedding. <3
Deepest love to everybody. Especially Tamaki Suoh(: <3
Emma

3. 2. 1.

Well, I'm back to writing again, and I have a ton on my mind. I'm not sure how I'm going to get it all out though. I've been thinking a lot about how I've been focusing too much on guys, and how I need to get my focus on other things like my future. To give you guys an idea of what I want to happen--stuff that's actually possible I'll make you a list of things that I really want to happen.

My List:

• Graduate from college with three majors
• English
• Psychology
• Anything else my mind comes up with in High School
• Move to Italy-- It's always been my dream to move there, because it's the most beautiful place in the world <3
• Get Married. Of course, it's every girls dream to get married--well almost every girls dream.

See, with the last one my problem is that I'm always thinking too far into the future, and I kinda need to get myself to college, and get my book published first. If you notice, my past blogs have all been about what's going on in the guys segment of life, but I kinda decided as of a few days ago that I wouldn't do that anymore. Now, I need to focus myself on getting to college.

No offense to all the boys out there, but I'm in the need to kinda forget about most of them and just let myself live this life without all the problems they cause me and think about the dreams that I want to come true--not just the ones that involve guys but mostly the ones that involve my future plans like my job and everything.

I must be off, but I thank all of you who take the time to read what I write.

Love,

Emma <3

Here I am again

Sorry I keep writing today, but I've been doing a lot of things that have been making me think a lot. Maybe that's why I woke up smiling. I was going through and reading all of the past posts that I've written in this, and it's actually really surprising me how much I've changed since Sep. 30 when i first started writing to you guys. I've actually grown a new respect for all of the people I haven't really gotten along with before because I have gotten a lot better at really understanding what they're going through.

I have been so tired today, probably because of all of the thinking and serious discussion with myself I've had. I am seriously dying here, because I just want to find out what magical thing is going to happen today. I feel like I'm writing every five seconds because of how nervous I am. Sometimes when I get the chills something really bad happens and I end up almost having a heart attack.

I really hope all of you are enjoying all of my writing, it's seriously killing my wrists to write all of this, but I guess it's the only way to get all of this out of my head. I'll probably put all of this in some story I write, but for now I'm just going to rant on and on to all of you guys. I may seem stupid to some people, but I've been told I am really smart for my age.

Kk I'm getting really tired, but I may be back in five minutes with some other tidbit of wisdom. Thanks for everything everybody(:

Em(: <3

Clouds....

I just found this in my drafts(:

'Okay, this post isn't going to be about actual clouds, but you know how some people say that when you're in love and really happy you're floating on cloud 9? Yeah, that's definitely me right now. I have been floating on Cloud 9 on and off for a long time lately.I know all of my past three posts have been pretty depressing and all, so I am going to write about some pretty happy stuff today :)
For most of the day I was feeling really happy. For some reason, being in certain people's presence makes me get that way. Especially when they enjoy talking to you as much as you do talking to them.'

hahaha bull crap to cloud 9:) I don't really need to be on a cloud to be happy! <3

Memories

I've realized that no matter how bittersweet, or sad memories can be... I think they're always worth it. I've recently been thinking about all of the dumb--more like stupid--and plain upsetting things I've either thought or done over the past three or four years... and I'm telling you the list isn't short. I've been so depressed lately, and now I kind of realized it's one, because I'm expecting life to move too fast; and two, I've kind of been holding onto the past too much. Sometimes the hardest thing to do in a situation is to let go of what you love the most. I've been hanging onto things like that because one day I was hoping that it would all go back to the way it was before. But, as Aslan says in the second movie of Narnia 'nothing ever happens the same way twice.' I guess that's kind of what I've been expecting to happen with all of these guys. I've expected things to just fall into place like a good novel. I guess it's like Northanger Abbey. Sometimes I guess I wish I lived inside of a novel. You know, having whatever you want even with all of the challenges that people have to go through to get them. I really didn't realize how much work it takes to really get everything to that perfect time when all of it seems to fit together like a puzzle. I'm still not all the way there, but I am getting closer(:

Well, I'm Back

I am now writing again, because I really have nothing better to do. It isn't that I don't like writing, it's just that I've kind of been thinking about all of this stuff that I wrote about earlier, and I'm just wishing I stop thinking about it because it is bugging me to death. I'm sitting at home watching Roderick Rules because I was having trouble concentrating anyway and what I usually do when that happens is sit around and pretend I'm concentrating on something.

Since my birthday is coming up, I've been thinking a lot about what I want, but nothing is coming to mind. It isn't that I'm completely happy with life, its more of the fact that I can't really concentrate like I said before. There are a few things that I know I want though. Like a keyboard, a weber state hoodie, and this blog to be made into a book so I can read it over and over without getting the headaches you get from a computer.

I decided a little while ago that after I finish ninth grade I'm going to start a new blog for next year, and so on just so I can keep track of what happened in each year instead of having it all jumbled together in one big book. Smart, huh. I'm thinking about combining both blogs into one book so it's longer, but I think I'll do two separate books in order to make sure I know what happened in one depressing part and one just thinking part of my life.

I've actually been having a lot of epiphanies lately, and it's really starting to get on my nerves because I was asking to make my life better, but not really have all of the ideas to come barreling at me at once. I'd rather have one idea at a time until I get that one figured out and then another one come at me after that so I have time to catch up with myself.

I woke up this morning so refreshed, and so happy that nothing could sway me from the smile on my face. I'm not even sure why I was smiling, because nothing completely amazing happened to me, but I guess it could be that something amazing is going to happen, because sometimes that's how it works. Sometimes I just wish I could take a time machine and see how everything will turn out in my life. My career, my husband, my family, my home... I just wish that it was possible.

I know sometimes I may seem crazy, but I once heard a quote that said 'a bird can't fly too high if he's using his own wings, and I know it's all metaphorical and stuff, but it really took a place in my heart because it gives me hope to believe in a lot more than I have without that quote. I don't remember who wrote it, but it brings me up when I feel super down.

Wish me luck on something amazing happening today! <3
Em